That is what I keep having. Being paralysed while sleeping. Thinking I am awake and conscious but actually being in a limbo state that is neither asleep nor awake. Being unable to move after actively trying to. It is an incredibly scary experience and even though there are scientific explanations for it, I don't wanna know what the paranormal websites have got to say on it!
I like Christmas, but it's only fun when you have others to spend it with. Otherwise your screwed. If the bright lights and decorations and cheesy Christmas movies don't do your head in first, then the advertising surely will. Get them what they really want this Christmas- a gift voucher! Keep her happy this Christmas with Bevilles jewellry! Let the wife and kids have a stress-free Christmas, get Criso hampers!
Businesses capitalise on Christmas and that's all there is in terms of the holiday's surface value. The only way to really spend Christmas is to eat with your family. (And by eat, I mean ravage. Like Waz said, kidnap some farmyard animals and shove prods up their bums, and grill them till their unrecognisable hunks of brown.) It's actually even better to have a boyfriend around Christmas, because you get to eat his family's food as well as yours, during the day at least. And then you come home before dinner and there's nothing in the fridge, and your mum is at your grandparents house so you decide to skip dinner because it means you won't wake up with such a fat stomach tommorow, but then at the last minute you crack and at midnight you raid your fridge and make some wonky sushi with the leftover salmon and rice and stuff it all into your mouth at whilst crying tears of guilt at the same time. Haha.
But no really, Christmas was good today. I loved all of my presents, and can't wait to consume the Yellow :) Prehaps for New Years? This year, Christmas was definetly in my good books.
Things that are most certainly NOT in my good books (I'll keep this quick):
- FUCKING EDWARD CULLEN. He is NOTHING BUT A FIGMENT OF SOME OLD WOMAN'S IMAGINATION. MY GOD. The bandwagon of Edward Cullen adorers is now so effing big that you really have to wonder if these girls actually jump on it because they love Edward Cullen, or because they jumped on because their friends did. Regardless, I have only read the first Twilight book and I don't plan to read the rest. Why? Because Twilight is gay. Utterly and Irrevocably Gay. Poorly written, oldest concept in the world being treated like its something fresh and new and amazing, shit heroine with personality of a peice of wood, Robert Pattison looking like he can fit small coins between every gap in his teeth.
I know Stephanie Meyers thinks she deserves all that money, but all she really did was transform screaming 13 year old girls into more screaming 13 year old girls, which doesn't really deserve positive recognition. At first I didn't care about it all, but just being surrounded by the twilight craze is enough to make me hate it. It's not that good. I LOVE vampire romance stories- but they could have picked a better one to make a fuss over than this 3rd grade peice of boring poo poo.
- Customers. Of all shapes and sizes. The negative ones. The fat bitches who yell at you because you don't give them every second of your precious time, like they're the most important person on the world. The ones who make complaints at the end even when you apologise and tell them that you'll never make that mistake again. Some stupid fat bitch at Rodd & Gunn said ignored her when I was on my break. Well I was ON MY BREAK, and I didn't even see her walk past! NOT done out of malice! I came off my break (only 10 mins later) and asked her if she needed any help. She said no, I'm going to be served by the other lady, because you have ignored me. I look at the 'other lady'. She's completely busy. I say look, I can help you now if you'd like, to save you time waiting for the other lady to finish up. And the fat bitch says no, I will just keep waiting for her, because you ignored me and I don't want to be served by you.
She also made sure to tell me "I have trained in customer service and I've never seen someone ignore me like you have" (which I guess makes sense, it can be hard to miss such a fat person in the store, and for that I feel abit guilty) like she was some kind of customer service pro. Whatever, just pretend like you're bloofy Anna Wintours from Vogue and not some middle aged whale bitch with botox, buying size 104 pants for her husband. So I make my heartfelt apology and tell her that I will keep my ears out open next time. And she says OK, fine. Then later complains for a good 5 minutes that the service she just had was the slowest she's ever experienced. Well that's her own fault for refusing to accept my help! God, do people just TRY and be stupid?!
For the record, the customer is NEVER right!
Always pushing up the hill searching for the thrill of it
On and on and on we are calling out and out again
Never looking down I’m just in awe of what’s in front of me
Walking on a Dream- Empire of the Sun
I'm so tireddddddddd!
How could I be so tired from doing nothing? My body is so weird...I seriously have not done a thing today and yet I was so tired earlier on that I couldn't even move off the couch. I couldn't keep my eyes open. My whole body was cramping. Wtf mate =[
I think it might be because in the past three days I've eaten nothing but fast food. And now I've got clogged up arteries and I'm feeling tired because my heart is practically killing itself trying to send the blood around my body. I just yawned and it made my heart hurt. That confirms it. Ughhhhh.
"Hi good afternoon, is this ______?" = (please don't hang up)
"Yes." = (suspicious)
"It's Christina calling from __________, how are you today?" = (please don't hang up)
"Good." = (fuck off)
"That's good." = (please don't hang up)
"Silence" = (silence)
"We're currently conducting some research on ______, I was just wondering if I could ask-" = (please don't interrupt me by hanging up)
"Yeh look. I'm not interested thanks. Byeeeeeee." = (seriously, fuck off, you've ruined my day)
"Ok...bye. Have a good day" = (I want to go home and hug my mummy.)
Guess who got another job interview at another market research company?
=]
After having mucho nightmares about failing, I got up this morning and did a zombie walk straight to the computer. After opening portal I could already see that I had no new emails. Usually, if you fail, you immediately get sent a 'Student at Risk' email telling you to make an appointment with a course advisor. BUT I DIDN'T HAVE ANY NEW EMAILS!!! SO I OPENED UP THE 'GET MY RESULTS' PAGE AND I SAW ROWS AND ROWS OF GLORIOUS P'S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! P'S WHICH GET ME MY DEGREE!!!!!! I'VE FINALLY PASSED QM AND CAN NOW MOVE ON TO BIGGER AND BETTER THINGS!! (SUCH AS MARKET RESEARCH! COZ I'M TOO STUPID TO DO QM2!!)
AFTER DOING ABOUT 20 MINS STUDY FOR EACH SUBJECT, DOING AN EXAM WITH EFFING EYELINER BECAUSE I HAD NO PENCIL AND THUS MAKING HEAPS OF UNERASABLE MISTAKES, REPEATING A SUBJECT I'VE FAILED A BILLION TIMES ALREADY, NOT READING UP ON A SINGLE CASE STUDY FOR MARKETING, AND PULLING STUFF OUT OF MY BUMHOLE IN EVERY EXAM, I ACTUALLY PASSED EVERYTHINGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry to gloat!!!!! But I feel really, really relieved right now!!!!! I AM HERE TO STAY IN COMMERCE!!!!1 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
My work and hence money plan:
2 x Sofias a week ~ $90
1 x Rodd Gunn ~ $100
At least 4 x somewhere else ~ ?
1 x Stripping ~ $1000
I'm ONLY JOKING about the last one! But seriously job hunting today was almost kinda fun. And it's handy when your mum is your referee and no employers know this, because asian mums still keep their maiden names after marriage. So at least I get a glowing reference from somewhere. The lady from Rodd Gunn today phoned up my mum, and my mum told her all about how great I was at customer service, how much everyone in the workplace liked me, how there wasn't even a single thing I needed to improve on. Haha. A bunch of lies! But it worked. So I work in an old mans clothes store now. If I wanted to, I could get discount clothes for my grandpa, and transform him into the hippest grandpa around Mitcham. I can be a stylist for old men, and teach them how to color coordinate their sandals with their socks, how to dress for garden parties, and whether or not to pick the turtleneck or the T-shirt with squiggles all over it, for whatever upcoming occasion. Looking good matters when you're older too, you know.
Btw. Exam results come out tommorow. I have the craziest feeling that I've failed at least one subject. Will update if this is found to be true and hence I will need to jump off Eastlink.
And ONE MORE THING:
This is sort of going to be like a mini-rant. I think I relate well to people sometimes, but alot of the time I have absolutely no understanding about their preferences and pastimes. I think the best example of this, is TV shows. I have NO attachment whatsoever to ANY TV show, apart from the Simpsons (and Days of Our Lives, but thats sort of like a childhood thing. And Xtreme Makeover.) What I'm getting at is, I don't follow dramas. At all. I guess you could call Days of Our Lives dramatic in some ways, but it's like I-died-and-came-back-to-life-3-times-and-my-mother-is-also-my-sister kind of dramatic, whereas the shows that my friends seem to enjoy are just.....boring.
Everyone I know has at least one TV show that they consider their vice. Waz is in love with Blue Heelers. I can name about 100000000000 friends who follow Gossip Girl and Grey's Anatomy almost religiously. And then there's Friday Night Lights. Back in the day it was the OC, Lost, Heroes etc. etc. Anyway I tried to get into them, I honestly did. And all the manic fans of these shows will probably say scornfully "Oh, you've only watched like 2 episodes. You have to watch from start to finish, otherwise of COURSE you won't get into it like duh."
But it's not like that! I don't form attachments to the characters on TV shows. I HATED the OC. Everyone on that show was annoying, I'm sorry. But the craze that followed the actors.....I don't understand it when people say "Oh, she's sooooo funny and loveable," like 'she' was a real person. When in fact, 'she' is a fictional character played by some coke-snorting Hollywood actress with no actual personality apart from what she puts on when acting. And people can talk for HOURS about these shows, like "Oh my god, I wish A and B would just hook up already! It's totally pissing me off!" or "Oh my god, the code used by so-and-so in episode 3 of season 4 was just sooo clever, who would have thought that A managed to figure it out?" and "Oh my god it was soooo funny when A was cooking breakfast and then B walked in and said BLAH BLAH BLAH! HAHAHA!!" and "I adoreeeeeeee A, I love the little flick thing he does with his hair, and he has the coolest music posters on his wall!"
Gah. These are not REAL PEOPLE! Talk about your own lives!! Talk about stuff that is not brainstormed, scripted, acted out repeatedly, edited and distributed to networks!! How can people just sit there and watch entire seasons all day!? Where is the fun in watching a bunch of fake people do stuff that 80-90% mirrors your own life? I admit that I do watch the odd show or two for escapism....but to follow a TV show with almost more interest than you have for your own life? To treat the characters like friends or accquaintances, to quote endless dialogue exerpts instead of speaking REAL WORDS about the life that YOU lead? I know I can't talk, because I like Xtreme Makeover and Days of Our Lives, which really indicates that I have shit taste, but seriously.....SERIOUSLY.......WHY ARE TV SHOWS SO FASCINATING TO PEOPLE!
Wow.
I just read an article and it's pissing me off.
http://www.villagevoice.com/2006-11-07/news/yellow-fever/
Yellow fever. Asiaphilia. What a concept. Ever since I can remember, I have been singled out by others for one trait: being Asian. In primary school, it was the whole "ching chong china man" bullshit. In high school, I was an asian nerd. And then, ever since I ditched my glasses and started straightening my hair everyday, the racist nonsense progressed into something else. I don't even know if it's better or worse, but I became more and more aware of guys who possessed yellow fever. Courtesy of urban dictionary, here are only two out of almost 30 definitions for the "condition":
| 6. | Yellow Fever | 221 up, 64 down   |
| When a white male has an excessive attraction towards females of the Asian persuasion regardless of how FOBISH or jacked up looking the girl really is; he’ll still think she’s the most fuckable thing on the planet. Also, they know nothing about the girls culture, can rarely tell the difference between any nationalities, think they all fuck like the girls they see in porn and never heard of Laos until King of The Hill. | ||
| 12. | Yellow Fever | 131 up, 93 down |
| One is said to have yellow fever if one finds himself most attracted to Asian or Asian-American women. Rightfully so because they are the most beautiful women on earth. Everyone should have yellow fever. Yellow fever is not a crime. | ||
This is how I view yellow fever (in the most objective way that I am capable of putting it).
Asian girl likes asian boys. Asian boys like asian girls. This is the natural order. Neither are considered to have yellow fever. White boy has preference for asian girls, he has yellow fever. White boy only dates asian girls, he has yellow fever VERY BAD. Asian girl likes white boys, she has white fever. Asian boy likes white girls, no one cares because 99% of the time he will get rejected.
I quote- not word for word, but close enough- that asian girls are especially appreciated by certain white guys because we are polite, smart, submissive and- this is a quote- more slender than white girls. We are also tigresses in bed, because apparently white girls aren't as horny as us, which is bullshit, but I'll get to that later.
What bothers me most is the idea that asian girls are all replaceable. Is that not true? Guys can't even tell which part of Asia we're from. I get Korean, Japanese, Thai, you name it, someone has suggested it. I think they are just in love with that entire area of the world; as long as we're small, skinny, have black hair and dark brown eyes, we're good enough. White boys can take their pick from the crop. And that just pisses me off.
It's bad enough that some white guys just sleep with us because we're asian, but it's worse that so many of us are willing. Just because they're white. I don't think we're amazing in bed; and even if we are, no more so than other girls. Maybe it's more to do with the fact that we sleep with white guys to a) keep their eyes and attention on us and b) they're Western so they can't really understand any qualms that we may have had about sleeping together. And maybe our "gynaecological advantages" come from the general way that our body is built; small, slender etc. etc.
Theories aside, when you're an asian girl and you're looking at this whole situation, you feel absolutely no sense of individuality, no sense of independence or deviance from the rest of them. We're cute, shy, have straight black hair, and virtually nothing else stands out. We are a clump, a demographic; a list on the menu for white boys to look at. And we think it's perfectly ok, we even find it flattering.
I suppose I don't usually let it bother me, but when a fat, perverted sweaty middle-aged man starts talking to me out of nowhere, the conversation starter being which part of Asia do I come from, then I sort of notice something nagging at the back of my mind, yeah. Or when I meet a white guy, and he just so happens to fuck a new asian girl every week because they'll easily go home with him, and has no respect for them, or when I hear stories about my white friends being worshipped by asian girls when they go overseas, who just stand around him giggling, speaking nonsensical English and throwing themselves at him, that nagging kinda does return also.
Isn't it weird when you have really, really vivid dreams that you can't even differentiate from reality? Even weirder still is when you have a dream that almost reflected what happened to you earlier in the night, so that you barely even make distinctions between which was real and which was concocted by your mind. For fucks sake, why do I dream about stuff that is so realistic that it just leaves me so confused as to whether or not it actually happened? Aren't people supposed to dream of wonderfully unique things like flying or rainbows or monsters?
On another note, my mum bought a new house and didn't even tell me until last night!! She called me and asked me if I was coming home for dinner. And then just before we were about to hang up, she added "By the way, I bought a new house." And I was all like "WHAT!!!" So apparently I'm moving to Nunawading soon! EEEEEP! I haven't seen the new house in real life, but she showed me an ad for it and it is gorgeous. It is literally smokinnn'. I get the upstairs area, while the rest of my family (including grandparents) move into the downstairs. It's like a similar arrangement to what I have now- my own seperate part of the house, except that now instead of having grandparents living one block away, they will be living downstairs. But my grandparents are pretty quirky, so they'll be fun to live with. Sort of.
Anyway Waz's reaction to me moving: "DON'T MOOOOOVE! I WON'T BE ABLE TO DRIVE TO YOUR HOUSE AS QUICKLY!!" Hahaha I love you Waz.
I had tom yum soup last night and I burnt my tongue HARD. I can still feel it this morning. My tongue feels like sandpaper and I can't talk properly =[
I just had the most SCARY dream ever!! I mean my heart is literally pounding its way out of my chest right now, because of this dream aka NIGHTMARE!
Picture this: I'm lying in bed and I think I'm awake. So I try and get up. But I can't get up. I can move my eyes around, but I can't move my head. I try to turn my neck sideways. And for the longest time I can't, but when I finally do my neck makes a series of snapping sounds. I'm freaking out and just KEEP trying to get out of bed. When I manage to crawl out, 2 seconds later, I'm back in bed. In the same position as I was when I awoke. Like nothing ever happens. I crawl out again, this time landing on the floor, and 2 seconds later I'm lying down in bed as though I had just woken up. Again. It happens about 15 times in a row. Finally I give up, and tell myself I'm going back to sleep. But before I go to sleep, I try and raise my arm over my head. I can feel the arm going over my head, but I can't see it. It's like I can feel everything, but my body can't move the way I want it too. I can't even see my arms. God it sounds so weird, but it's exactly what happened.
Then I realised I was dead. And I said out loud, "Am I dead?" And suddenly this guy appears and he's lying next to me, and he looks unconscious. I look at him and I say, "Jesus, am I dead?" And he gets up straight away, and he's just this modern-looking version of Jesus with shoulder length brown hair, a beard and casual clothes, and he (with a completely serious face) says "Yes. You died this morning, that's why you can't move your body." And I couldn't register what he said. I mean I couldn't accept it. I finally asked him "How?" and he said, "Your boyfriend calls you every morning, so you always keep the phone by your head. This morning you had it near your face, and the little flap that covers the USB broke off and went up your nose and down your throat. And you choked to death."
God it was such a weird dream. I remember thinking, wow. So this is what it's like to be dead. Everyone's gonna laugh at me, because I died in such a retarded way. Trust me to die this way. I haven't even done anything with my life yet. How am I gonna tell Waz that I'm dead. How am I gonna tell Your Source that I'm dead??
I can't believe I thought of that last thing. Hahahaha!
Anyway, the second after I thought about that, I woke up. And I actually woke up gasping for once. You know in those movies when the lead girl has a nightmare about being naked, then wakes up and feels her body everywhere just to make sure she's not? I did that the second I woke up. I mean I put my hands EVERYWHERE. It was nice to feel that I had a body again. And that my voluntary movement was back.
I'm still so chilled by the concept of what I just dreamt. This isn't the first time it's happened either. God I have the worst imagination ever.
