SIGH. Look at the length! True, it was mostly split ends at the bottom by the time it had grown to this length, but at least it was long...
Short hey? Haha, I'm being a drama queen. It isn't actually that short, because it only looks like that from the front. Including the back part, it looks like this.
I don't really know what to think of it, because most of the other girls in the pageant seem to have hair grown down to their asses, and it's very well known that in Chinese culture long hair is a symbol of beauty. So my short(ish) looking hair is kind of out of place atm. But anyway enough with the complaining already. On a completely unrelated topic, these are lovely:
From Waz, for our 9 month. They are quite amazing because they're hardly showing any sign of wilting, and they've been sitting in my ill-air conditioned room basking in the glow of my computer monitor for like 5 days already. Love you Waz :)
One last thing, since this has become such a pictureful blog, I really must say that I've had the worst late-night food cravings EVER in the past few days, and the only 3 places open past midnight are Kebabs, China Bar and good old Maccas. Kebabs I love, but always make the BIGGEST mess eating them, and I don't trust the rats that hang around the Kebab joint since they are the size of small dogs. And maccas...well there is such thing as too much of a good thing!So last night Alison and I went to China Bar and I ordered the Nasi Lemak, which was sooo yummy! And now I've got a huge craving for it again, but since I have no one to go with tonight I have to settle for looking at pictures of it :( Sad I know but I love my food and I'm also quite bored.
Rice cooked in coconut milk with curry chicken, preserved vegetables, anchovies and peanuts on the side. MMmm. Food porn.
I'm glad I never slept tonight.
It's now almost 7am and I have been sitting here for a while. Thinking instead of sleeping. Well, not really thinking. I'm kind of in that weird state of not really being conscious and focused but with eyes that are still open, and seeing. I only realised something about 20 minutes ago, which kind of shows how long it took for the thought to occur to me (after all, I could have had this thought at ANY stage...but chose to only after 7 hours of sitting here).
I think I really do focus on the wrong things in life. For example, I always focus on the bad. And I always focus on what's wrong with the world, or what's wrong with other people. (Most of all, I secretly focus on what's wrong with me, but I try to keep that inside more- not working? Oh well.) Not only this, but I always focus on the surface value. Whether it's looks, or relationships with people, or relationships between other people- I give too much thought to the superficiality of things- and I'm sure someone wise and knowledgable would say how that shouldn't matter at all.
I relate pleasure to physical attraction. Being attractive, envying others who are attractive, admiring things that are attractive and aesthetically pleasing- not only is this a flawed way of perceiving things, it can be the downright WRONG outlook in plenty of situations. I seek validation for myself and for others, and judge others by physical attributes way too often. Sigh. Not an easy habit to change, once it's been formed and set in concrete.
Sometimes you just have to dissociate people's personalities from their looks. Easier said than done of course, but in the end you will think and see more clearly.
What is ugly on the outside but still beautiful inside? I tried to consider possible answers for that...my first thought was 'pug dogs'. Lol. True, they're pretty ugly on the outside whilst still being a cute, friendly breed of dog, but I don't think they quite fit into what I'm trying to work out. Second thought was 'my mum's cooking'. Her stews look like colorful vomit, but taste kinda good. Emphasis on the 'kinda'- maybe they're not so beautiful after all. Anyway, just as I was writing this, I thought of one thing.
You know that saying 'The road to hell is paved with good intentions?', well I think that is a good example of my little puzzle. OK, the saying doesn't fit perfectly here but it's sort of similar. Sometimes we do things, and say things, and behave in ways that are shocking, cruel, aggresive, terrible, you name it it could be done. Basically, we do things that are 'ugly'. But we have good intentions inside, intentions that may have gone askew, and that nonetheless makes us beautiful inside (despite how we interact on the outside). There are plenty of times where my intentions have gone askew, but to dwell on that would be a waste of time now. The only way is forward. The only way to set my life into forward motion is improvement. Not just aesthetic improvement, however necessary I think that may be, but to reconfigure my intentions and my outlook on life. And I don't doubt for a second that doing that will get me to where I wanna be. So it's 7:20am now, and I think I might sleep soon. I'll probably look back on this entry and think I was being delirious, in fact I AM delirious right now, and my shoulders hurt from hunching over the computer for so long. But I had to write all this.
:)
I absolutely LOVE this song and its lyrics:
46&2- Tool
My shadow's
Shedding skin
I've been picking
Scabs again.
I'm down
Digging through
My old muscles
Looking for a clue.
I've been crawling on my belly
Clearing out what could've been.
I've been wallowing in my own confused
And insecure delusions
For a piece to cross me over
Or a word to guide me in.
I wanna feel the changes coming down.
I wanna know what I've been hiding in
My shadow..my shadow
Change is coming through my shadow.
My shadow's shedding skin
I've been picking
My scabs again.
I've been crawling on my belly
Clearing out what could've been.
I've been wallowing in my own chaotic
And insecure delusions.
I wanna feel the change consume me,
Feel the outside turning in.
I wanna feel the metamorphosis and
Cleansing I've endured within
My shadow, my shadow
Change is coming.
Now is my time.
Listen to my muscle memory.
Contemplate what I've been clinging to.
Forty-six and two ahead of me.
I choose to live and to
Grow, take and give and to
Move, learn and love and to
Cry, kill and die and to
Be paranoid and to
Lie, hate and fear and to
Do what it takes to move through.
I choose to live and to
Lie, kill and give and to
Die, learn and love and to
Do what it takes to step through.
See my shadow changing,
Stretching up and over me.
Soften this old armor.
Hoping I can clear the way
By stepping through my shadow,
Coming out the other side.
Step into the shadow.
Forty six and two are just ahead of me.
Although I don't have a very in-depth understanding about this song, 46 + 2 refers to the number of chromosomes in the human body. A normal, intelligent human being carries 46 chromosomes, but this still isn't the highest level of evolution. There is a higher level we can evolve to, one with 48 chromosomes (or 46+2), and at this level we are at a state of ultimate consciousness, almost divine in nature, enlightened, powerful, etc etc. basically we can acheive what no other human being can.
But in order to get to this level we must first shed the skin of our previous form, change ourselves, believe in something (anything) that gives us enough strength and understanding to evolve to the next level. I think this song is about the struggle involved in trying to 'do what it takes to move through', or basically break out of your own shell and undergo metamorphisis. I relate it to running down a hallway that never finishes, towards a door that you can never reach, attempting to open it and find a stronger, more intelligent, incredibly potent new version of yourself. This song is sung and played with a kind of guttural feel...very dark and haunting in my opinion. But still brilliant :)
If I could draw you
I'd use up all the colors
Just trying
To draw who you are.
If I could read your mind
I'd cover the entire map
Just trying
To find out where your mind has been before.
If I could see things through your eyes
I'd stare back at myself
Just trying
To know how you see me.
If I could sing for you
I'd never run out of breath
Just trying
To make you hear me.
I could draw you
Sing for you
See how you do.
I could love you
Understand you
And only you.
But nothing compares,
To hearing the same
From you,
Just trying,
To tell me
That you feel it too...
Come up to meet you,
Maybe I should've started this assignment a little bit earlier. Or maybe I just shouldn't have tried so hard to avoid it! It's now 2:30am and I've added 10 words onto it in the past 5 hours...I'm really too delirious to keep going. I think I thrive off stress, but I don't actually accomplish anything at all when I'm stressed. I just run around in circles stressing about how much I have to do. Which is not good, like now for instance, I'm blogging about how tired I am when I should really just go to sleep.
I'm in such a mellow mood tonight
Been looking back through my old posts- God I loved to complain!
Didn't realise that finding oneself involved so much...negativity
It's alright
I will learn to be in a better place
I got pasted at work today by a man who wanted a further discount off a $9 t-shirt. A $9 t-shirt. Normally things at Rodd&Gunn don't even come close to being $9, and I had tightass of the century bugging me to take another 30% off. What is wrong with people these days?
My way of looking at it is. When you are on your deathbed, thinking over what you have done in your life, are you going to be proud of that time you harrassed a salesgirl into giving you a $9 shirt for only $7? It won't exactly seem like the best way to have spent your time, would it?
I don't know why people are so nit-picky nowadays. Everyones angry over something or other, and for no good reason. Everybody just seems to be complaining all the time. Well I complain a lot too, but would I complain about things like a $9 t-shirt? OK for example, everyones dissing Kevin Rudd because he had an angry outburst at a flight attendant on a plane. For God's sake, does it really matter? He lost his temper, and the last time I checked, we have ALL lost our tempers before! He's only Australia's Prime Minister, he's not Ghandi! Why do we kick up a massive fuss over shit like this, when Kevin Rudd has done WAY more important things, such as vowing to 'move heaven and earth' to improve Australia's economy? The poor guy can't win, he's giving us $900 worth of free money (that stingy guy could buy 100 tshirts!) and we're sitting here hanging poo-poo on him because he yelled at a flight attendant! Jeeeeez, the guy is trying to run a country (not to mention, a country full of COMPLAINERS), you'd think he'd be a little stressed out and short-tempered, wouldn't anyone?
I'm starting to really dread reading newspapers such as the Herald Sun, or watching Channel 10 news, because all I keep seeing are images of doom and gloom, murders, arson, kidnap the whole shebang, things which are not actual news... the Australian public are completely underinformed on topics such as recession or inflation, yet everybody is clued up on Fritzl, the Austrian guy who kept his daughter as a sex slave for 24 years! And everytime I watch the news, there is at least one shot of a little old lady clutching her purse at the shops saying "It's just disgraceful" or "It's just appalling" or "I'm just absolutely shocked" about some irrelevant topic or other! And to top it all off, the news finishes with some story about a new baby animal in the zoo or some kindergardener doing cute stuff, and then goes straight to 30 minutes of pure, hardcore sports tonight! What do we even learn from watching the news, apart from how to blame politicians for everything and what murders/deaths have occurred when/where in the past 24 hours?
Anyway, that rant went on for MUCH longer than expected. I only initially intended to post some stuff that makes me happy when I'm feeling a little deflated:
1. The Hey Jude baby. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KNHLywCfnHI
This baby is basically the best baby ever. It's asian, it sings, it says 'berrer' instead of better and it knows the Beatles. AND it can hold up an adult sized guitar! This baby could cheer me up forever.
2. Everything by The Lonely Island, like The 'Bu. Everything these guys make is funny!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qKMesCAe44Q&feature=PlayList&p=670CCE81C6D7F669&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=8
3. The smell of the ground just after it's rained.
4. All my homemade CD's (minus the ones I made when I was going through a metalhead phase)
5. Waz at my front door.
Give me ten minutes
To look at my life
Let me give you a list
Of what I came up with
I got a conscience somewhere
But it's trapped inside
I got a problem with drink
I like to underthink
Give me ten seconds
And I'll decide
What's wrong or right
What's black and white
Love makes a fool
Out of you and I
So just think twice
About playing nice...
Because all these dreams make a better me
All these dreams just make a better me
I want to believe that you can't see
The worst of me
The worst of me
