miss stina

Im temping at my mums work and omg, it is a party and a half. im using a lappy the size of a dictionary to destroy a half a rainforest, i have to print tax invoices, all 4000 of them...

So i get through about 2000, and my mum walks in and asks...'can u finish this by wednesday night?'

And im like PFFT OF COURSE, this is sooo easy!

Then the office guy walks in and says hey, when u finish printing, ill show u how to scan all the pages...

I have to stick 4000 peices of paper in a scanner, one by one, and scan them all. this is gonna be really fun.

This fat chinese cleaner guy just walked in, and vaccuumed all around me without saying anything. Now hes gone into in office across from me and hes talking about me. I think he's yet to realise that glass walls aren't soundproof.

Net Comm lost my final assessment peice. Therefore I received a fail. But THEY WERE THE ONES WHO LOST IT! So I didn't actually fail fail. Win =]

Ok so I know I'm over-blogging a bit, but something tonight just struck me as puzzling; I've had the shittest week ever, I have no money, no (real) phone, lost alot of dignity, sobriety and self-esteem (haha) and have failed two of my exams. I got yelled at tonight at work even though I had been working hard (and making zero mistakes for once), but I finished work kind of happy. I was trying to distance myself from all those depressing thoughts and it was actually working. In all respects, I had learned to "turn my frown upside down". And for a second there, I thought I had somehow been transformed into an optimist. And then later on it all fell apart because of that one person. And then I realised that I had been happy earlier on because everything I screwed up this week didn't matter nearly so much to me as that person did. And now it's gone and I don't know where to go from here.

So the University of Melbourne has officially confirmed to me that I am a dumbass. I'm just doomed to NOT pass. I don't wanna say the f-word (and its not fuck), but man I am good at getting alot of those f-words. Just when I was having a really awesome day, for no particular reason (and I'm hardly ever in a fantastic mood for no particular reason) Melbourne Uni goes and shits all over me. Why do I always have to be reminded of the fact that no matter how hard I try, I can never do well enough? I just want to know what I did wrong! Why am I able to communicate with fellow students in a way that makes me believe that we sit on equal levels in terms of intellect, but when assessment time comes around I get the f-word and they get the h1? Am I really that oblivious to my own stupidity? Does my true destiny lie in street-cleaning or poop-scooping or being someones maid? WILL I ALWAYS BE THIS STUPID!?

She said "I'll throw myself away,
They're just photos after all."
I can't make you hang around.
I can't wash you off my skin.
Outside the frame, is what we're leaving out
You won't remember anyway.

I can go
With the flow
Don't say it doesn't matter anymore
I can go
With the flow
Do you believe it in your head?

It's so safe to play along
Little soldiers in a row
Falling in and out of love
Something sweet to throw away.
I want something good to die for
To make it beautiful to live.
I want a new mistake, loses more than hesitates.
Do you believe it in your head?

I can go with the flow
Don't say it doesn't matter anymore
I can go with the flow
Do you believe it in your head?

I win at life.

My phone (aka my life) has dissapeared off the face of the earth and I ruined an entire night out before it even properly started. I spent half the time throwing up and got kicked out before midnight.

And the taxi guy ripped me off. I bet he stole my phone too!

I need scrambled eggs and sausages and grilled tomato and onions and hash browns and toast with butter and OJ... but at the same time thinking about food makes me sick. And I think I've got a grand total of $2 left. Like I said I win at life.

This world is so damn big now
I've got to get a grip now
Feel you slipping away now
But I just can't turn away

Being tugged in two directions
Can't face my own decisions
Living inside a prison
But all you did was turn away

Theres stars along the sky now
Theres stars inside your eyes now
And when I look inside
All the drama and the hope and the lies just fade to grey

Can't even smile without it being a mistake

I used to have a xanga. I put up about 8 posts, then tried to change the template of it, entered some screwed up html and made it look retarded. So I left it...forever. Actually no, I visited it again the other day, and wow... at my second entry. '50 things about me', dated April 28, 2005. Half of the list isn't true anymore. Actually very amusing to read. All I do is ramble on about how much I love God and my (ex) youth group and how I've never kissed a guy. Oh my. So it's only been 3 years, but how? When did I begin to change? I don't feel the difference. It's weird to think that maybe, on just a couple of those days, I maybe went to bed a slightly different person then who I was at the start of the day. Haha. And in some ways, I feel like I'm stupider now then I was back then, which is completely unsettling. 3 years down the track, and I haven't grown at all, save for the odd lesson or two in heartbreak. And alcohol consumption. And how to hate Uni.

You put the biggest smile on my face.

im so drunk
man i think that's all i have to say
hahaha
happy happy happy sunshine fairies rainbows and unicorns =]